mighty hungry.

besides no money of course-

it's the constant fluctuation. the back and forth, the up and down, the good and bad happening at the same damn time, and all the confusion that this sort of constant bipolarity creates. i feel like i'm about to type a lot of the same stuff i've typed in previous entries, and i'm running out of new ways to say it.

point is, i think i'm getting better at maintaining a positive approach to things even when shit gets mega funky. even when i'm stuck at work, unable to make beats, i find ways to support the movement. i send out emails and try to build relationships. i do dry-runs shopping for equipment, create budgets, assess my projected purchasing power and try to create other avenues to supplement the income. i take a little time out to write hooks to beats now, 'cause that's supposedly a way to become a more marketable commodity. i read about how to put chords together, do a little music history, etc etc.

when i had that deal crash & burn at the top of this month, i didn't weep, and i didn't mourn too long. i didn't let myself. i couldn't... there's too much to complete, and i'm looking at the whole venture like there's a window that's slowly closing. moping about shit like that is a waste of time. and even though it's a substantial hurtpiece, $2000 isn't a devestating finishing blow. man, please. the checks i'm after make that look like pocket lint. like a night on the town.

anyway...

not many new developments since the last real entry about my music.

i've spent more time just playing around with different combinations of drum sounds that i have stored away on my drives. honestly, i have a LOT. i'd say 75-85% of them are usable, quality samples that i have tucked away. and you don't realize it, but drum sounds basically command the feel of a song. and these are just one-shot samples that i have on the drive, i've also got synths and the sampletank/sonik synth samplers with kits built in, as well as these e-mu sound fonts (proteus, phatt and orbitz) that also have drum kits. it's been fun exploring them. i could make millions of songs literally, before i would successfully cover half the potential combinations all these pieces offer. good drums are a producer's best friend, man. so, theoretically i should be golden.

been trying my hand at more r&b flavored pieces, too. something tells me that my r & b shit might pop before the hip hop shit does. dunno why. but i'm writing hooks to these tracks now. even enlisted the help of some of my comrades to write with me, and lay down the vox for some stuff, so that i can have a skeleton for singers reference off of. i'd do it myself, but-- nah. i'll get a professional. lol

you know, it's crazy. it's may 17th, and as much as i be complaining in this blog about where i haven't been, and what i haven't been paid, and every other ostensible failure i may have had--

i'm steady making progress!

thousands upon thousands of people have heard my music this year. that's amazing! i'm in the credits on projects.

• che grand's fixtape
• amanda diva's mixtape with dj jamad
• tanya morgan's single

couple that with contributing to a few more joints, including raw poetic's solo... like, i'm doing okay. obviously the goal is to start seeing money as a result of the work i'm doing, but like i was telling keshia last night, money is usually the last thing to come. you will get props, accolades, awards, shouts, love, groupies and pussy, free gear, whatEVER-- before you start collecting regular sizable checks that can support your needs. god forbid your needs and your wants.

so i gotta be patient, and keep building up the credits. credits are my resume.

*sigh*

just a lil' off the chest. let's get money, niggas.

if you havent downloaded this yet, please do.

i laced it, TM blessed it, and the rest is history.

we goin harder!

niggas is testing my mettle, trial by fire style.

basically the first real payday i worked knuckles to bone for has all but fizzled into thin air.

my manager says "put that situation to the side."

how the fuck do you do that when the situation in question concerns thousands of dollars?

i don't even wanna talk too much about it because the pain is endures, but it deserves mention. this is not a business for the faint of heart or the easily excited. right now i need work in both areas.

one good thing though- i'm going to spend these upcoming weeks and months devoutly dedicated to putting songs together for major label artists. for movies and commercials. for anything that has real money behind it. it's hard in situations like this, 'cause i know what it's like to want to fund a project that costs real live dollar bills, only to be thwarted by the realities of life.

and you wanna help people out. i wanna contribute. if this person needs a break on the price, lets work. just be honest. don't sign a fuckin contract and take a fuckin cd full of separated tracks and have me believing that everything's a go, and then not show up when it's time to pay the piper.

ANYWAY, as i was saying.

this whole fiasco has inspired me to get on my big time grind, start making tracks with the degree of competence that i know i have. try to incorporate the huge selection of instruments i've compiled over the years, and figure out this mixing thing for once and for all. get to know my shit a little better, and then i'm blasting every a & r and every open project with a collection of my best shit.

again, the goal still is to place 3 beats before september. i think my shot is fair.

so...
now that the laptop is all but a distant memory, i'm going to take a few bucks and upgrade my pc. new mobo and processor. put all my samples and sampled instruments on the 160gb drive and keep the external as a mp3/video drive.

and i'm about to dump close to 1000 beats never to be seen again. if anybody wants anything they've heard over the years, holla now or forever hold your piece. i'm moving on.

do i sound mad?

good.