mighty hungry.

i'm a little nervous.

i wanna do well; i wanna win.

part of me expects to. but when you're going up against unknowns, it's hard to be sure. couple that with the fact that i don't make typical radio music, it's up in the air. technically speaking though, i know my drums will knock, i know my samples will be dope in their own right.

we'll see.

it's also that i hate crowds of people focusing on me. ever since my younger days putting on a little suit and tie and standing up at the kingdom hall giving talks all the way up to this. it's just not in my nature to be up in front of people, especially people i don't know.

BUT I BETTER GET OVER IT. IN FACT IM GETTING OVER IT AS I TYPE.

this is the life i want, right? fame hoes and clothes? cash and ass? car crashin' high fashion?

lol

so yeah.
i'm at least confident that my music is good music. that's really all i can & want to count on.

____

these past few weeks have made me feel sorta... i dunno. vindicated. or...maybe validated. both.
about my choices with music. even though, there's nothing really to show for it but a buttload of promise and potential, it's like i'm actually doing something with my life.

i won't go into a long spiel about how i used to be and how i am now being total polar opposites, but yeah they are. making this music happen is as much about loving music as it is about showing myself the hidden ability to make things happen and to show that i belong as an individual in this world.

it's also about getting respect. lol it's dramatic and far too involved with psychological bolstering & self image. that's the way it beez though, everybody's just trying to make a name.

____

i got the most awesome birthday gift yesterday!

i'll post a pic when i get home. AWESOME!!!

really truly deeply.

thanks again yo. sincerely touched, i was.

(it's relevant to music too, so it belongs in this blog)

tonight after work i'm going to the record store, i think. i need sound bad.
or. maybe not. i dunno. i'll decide on the fly. but i really gotta score some wax soon... i'm running through records like cheap rubbers at an orgy. lol

____

next week is busy. monday is my birthday/showcase day, and also *crosses fingers* cooler side is supposed to "drop"... then thursday is the TM/Guilty Simpson/Black Milk concert in nyc.
i'ma drop dead son!

i love music tho, fam.

sh1t is the best. ever.

lol

momentary lapse.

3/5/07. you knew that though.

_____

so i've been kinda tallying up my experiences in the "game", though few, and seeing what i can gather from them that will stand true in the long run; stuff i can benefit from.

there's been a few things.

like i said last entry. it's a game of who you know. the average moderate music consumer can tell you that you don't have to be very good musically to make a successful career for yourself in the music business. musical talent is about 10 percent of the equation. unfortunately.

my and my comrades? our responsibility to ourselves, and our music, is to promote it to death. otherwise we're not gonna be heard. there's alot of concessions to be made, a little selling out, a little annoying promotional over-saturation to be done. there's some broke man chronicles to be written, alot of work being done for next to nothing monetarily... depending on the angle of incline for the launch ramp into the industry, this climate can persist for years.

but the number one necessity is dogged determination. it's almost cliche, but you can not give up. evolve as your surrounding and circumstances change, build workarounds, get creative, market yourself, make beneficial deals to convince otherwise nonplussed people take a chance on you, whatever, just never completely take no for an answer, never accept that you hit an impenetrable ceiling.

go harder. always.

also, don't look your successes in the mouth, man. don't take em for granted by obscuring them with your ridiculous overshooting expectations. i did/do that.

i mean, don't get me wrong, i'm shooting for the stars by tomorrow afternoon, but i'll be proud if i hit the 5th floor of my building too. it's better than being on the 3rd. you feel me?

i've had a few oppportunities to self promote present themselves in the past few weeks. at once i was excited because i felt like people were starting to notice me, and also disappointed cause well. i get depressed sometimes. this shit is hard work on its own, and having to go to work everyday and have all your creativity completely displaced or drained is a hard necessity to reconcile.

but i can't contiue in that manner. the $ will come when it's supposed to. not a moment sooner. lol

so.
first half of 2007 is dedicated to building the resume, and self aggrandization in the name of promotional prowess. gotta get that name out, make niggas believe that they need you. i'ma be one up on the competition hopefully because i am actually *that*good.

its a long year. i still barely know what i'm doing, but i'm learning the ropes... gotta be patient.

_____

i'm still looking for that mpc. i get paid tomorrow and i'm almost ready to drop the $ for one, or something else equally benefical to the setup. i think i'ma go head and invest in a preamp and a pop filter for the mic. i wanna lay some respectable vocals too, in these next couple months.

i also will look at these:

http://www.turntablelab.com/production_tools/94/148/17687.html

the monitoring situation in my apartment is an issue. i could use a better pair of headphones too.

oh, and i'm considering a new lcd monitor too. i have to get rid of the 19" behemoth CRT on my desk now.
the pc needs upgrading.
still need that laptop.

sigh.

if somebody just gave me $5000, i'd never post about stuff i needed to buy again. this is an expensive grind.

that's a word, now. use it at will. just give props to the originator.

um, yeah.

i pseudobelieve in the power of a jinx, so i'm careful not to put too much unfinished business in the air, but there are real, structured, well-founded projects afoot. people are interested not only in my beats, but my ideas, my visions.

i'm getting the opportunity to rub shoulders with people in the industry, and although the merit of that on it's face is negligible at best, it can't be understated that the music business is a business of contacts and connections. anybody worth their salt in this industry has compiled a massive rolodex of names...and has made sure that there was a mutual exchange. that's a hard hustle, especially for "creatives" who think their time is better spent sitting in their studio and doing what they do best.

schmoozing is a tedious affair.

so, suffice it to say that i'm not starstruck. i'm fairly convinced that most musicians/music business movers and shakers see right through most of us upstarts-to-be until we finally make some noise on our own. so i aint sweating it. just putting in my work and propogating the brand.

at this moment (since my feelings are apt to change dramatically at any instant) i'm excited about things in general. i think the showcase will be a really good look for the team. i'm not worried about anything other than having everyone in that room remembering my name. i have five minutes of facetime...alot can happen in five minutes. and although it's not a live routine like a beat society, it's gotta play like a 5 minute movie; well timed edits, vocal samples as glue...nothing to overcook it, but everything to maximise my 5 minutes.

i've also gotta step my promo package game up. the cats at the meeting for the showcase, although (at least some of them) having less than stellar production skills, made a real effort to present themselves professionally.

i need new cards and a working logo until i get a real designer on the job. i need better bio sheets and a list of projects that i'm working on to be put together so that i at least APPEAR professional.

i don't have much time, but these things need to be ready for the 5th. it's not my only opportunity to shine like this, but it is the first real one. i'ma let it do what it do.

i'll keep it updated.

yo'z truly.

buy it for zero dollars!!!

and pass it to your friends!

real big fam. don't miss it if you don't have to. i aint. even if i should.

_____